A tale of two cities

We happened to meet two teenage girls this week. This is a tale of two cities: one where the future is blindingly bright, the other… well, the other’s future could’ve been dark and murky. Spoiler alert: The second story is also turning out OK, thanks to the love and care of a compassionate person.

So, there is this teenager whose life is filled with music, that often travels abroad to participate in international competitions, that is looking to chose among a few prestigious universities. She’s a loved member of her family and still considered a child – protected, fended for and taken care of. We love her and are so very happy for her and where she is in her life.

Then we traveled to the other end of the city, where we met Ravulamma*, a seventeen year old that is the mother of a 20-day boy. She had eloped from home to marry a man that she loved. Her parents complained to the police, who arrested the husband under the child marriage laws that prohibit under-age marriage. With her husband in jail, with her own family angry with her (and having disowned her), the police sent the five-month pregnant Ravulamma to this women’s shelter. Here, she found a safe haven where she was given prenatal care, nutritious food and her son was delivered at a regular nursing home. Being so young and malnourished herself, Ravulamma is unable to produce milk in quantities sufficient to nurture her son – so he’s constantly crying and is himself malnourished. Her son is now being cared for by a large family of young “aunts”, all of whom are similarly estranged from their respective families.

No one pays for this women’s shelter. Neither the government (that sends child welfare officials to ensure safety), nor the police that send young at-risk women here for their safe keeping. The community is blissfully ignorant of the needs of this shelter, although it performs a key safety-net service to the society. We’ve had the privilege of collaborating with this shelter for a few years now, through the Timeless Changes Foundation. Donors to the Foundation help keep going in part, the selfless service and work of the founder of the shelter, Smt. Sujata. If you’d like to contribute to this cause from outside India, your donations are gratefully accepted here.

Smt. Sujata started this shelter about 15 years ago. More than 200 girls and young women have been helped by this shelter, in all its incarnations. She cares about each and every person that walks through that door – and helps them get life skills (sewing, computer word-processing, beautician), become self-sufficient and get a chance at a decent life. She works diligently to find the families of these girls and negotiate their acceptance back into a normal life. These girls and young women come from all socio-economic strata, all religions and castes.

In some instances, the families cannot be found or simply refuse to take these women back into their fold. Sujata personally paid for and celebrated the traditional Indian weddings (read: Bollywood-style) of 14 of these young women as if they were her own daughters. These married and settled women often come back for the delivery of their children or to celebrate festivals, since the shelter becomes their “puttinillu or maika” (a substitute for their parents’ home, thus their homebase). In this fashion, Sujata has become a “grandmother” many times over long before her own two sons have ever become parents. Before the wedding, Sujata personally screens the prospective bridegrooms – and they better meet her high standards 🙂 Currently, she is negotiating the wedding of a physically (mobility) challenged yet energetic Sitamma* – and Sujata is insistent that the groom’s family register part of a house in the young woman’s name before the wedding, so as to ensure the bride’s security.

All of this happens in the background of a lower middle class family. Sujata’s husband is employed as a conductor of the local bus system, a job that is notoriously low-pay, requires long-hours and lots of time away from family. Sujata’s two sons have achieved high academic honors.

As is often the case, the funds that are promised by the government for taking care of certain categories of at-risk youth rarely materialize. On our previous visit, Sujata was pre-occupied with getting some of these funds released before a then-predicted change of government administration teams. Some civic minded community members donate bags of rice etc on the occasion of their birthdays. Some donate money direct to the shelter, which is a 80 (G) nonprofit (in the US, that would be the equivalent of a 501c3 nonprofit). But the shelter is not (yet) allowed to accept funds from overseas, which is where the Timeless Changes Foundation comes in.

Whether the government, community or donors give a penny or not, the thirty or so young women that reside here on any given day must each be fed thrice a day. The two or three staff members must be paid each month. The teacher that comes in to teach the girls how to sew, the beautician that comes in to teach the girls how to give facials or manicures – must each be paid. The rent, utilities, water delivery, doctor’s bills – these must all be paid. When the money does not come in, Sujata dips into her family’s savings – and from her husband’s paycheck – to pay the bills. Once when we met her, she was on the verge of pawning her mangala sutram (the equivalent of her gold wedding band) to pay the bills. Luckily, it did not come to that. For this selfless service, Sujata receives the love of these girls and young women who have found a home and a person that gives them the tough love that they need. They call her Amma (mother). We think she deserves that title and all that love!

In this nurturing environment, Ravulamma and her son now have a glimmer of hope. When her husband is released from jail, Ravulamma is expecting to start a family, maybe rent a home where she and her husband can raise their son. In the meantime, she is off the streets, learning new skills and her focus is on getting her son to eat and sleep more, to gain weight and play like any other infant.

*Some names have been changed to respect the privacy of the individuals.